no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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