i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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