If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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