that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
