the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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