Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
