I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
