I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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