you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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