I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
