She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
