Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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