Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
