His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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