You're so nebulous sometimes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
