I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
