how can u be prego again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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