she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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