Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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