my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
