you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
