Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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