I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
