I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
