Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
