New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
