Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
