You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
