I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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