My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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