Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
