Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
