she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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