hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
