I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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