what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
