Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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