Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
