He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
