Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
