I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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