roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
