you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
