I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Randomize
