you guys were way drunker than both of me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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