so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
