Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
