are you still at the devil's house?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
