Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
