i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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