bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
