i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
