he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
