Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
