I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have aggressive nipples.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
