Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
