i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
