his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
