I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
