Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
