she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
