i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
