like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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