vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
