why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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