You know, be my cock's hype man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
