paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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