I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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