3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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