Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
